tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24675970.post114658612955811288..comments2023-08-20T04:50:13.424-07:00Comments on Progress Report: past paperthe teenshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03715799204792667828noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24675970.post-1146588682764271492006-05-02T09:51:00.000-07:002006-05-02T09:51:00.000-07:00Going through this as I read it:good openingI'd pr...Going through this as I read it:<BR/>good opening<BR/>I'd prefer stronger punctuation after "her hand" - a dash, maybe, or a semi-colon.<BR/>Take out comma after "such as" in para 2 and put one in after "freckles"<BR/>the sentence beginning "although" has no main verb - why not begin it with "However"<BR/><BR/>Your sentence structure becomes a bit weak as you get into the story. Watch out for run-on sentences (comma splice in a few places)<BR/>Don't suddenly shift point of view when the mother reacts - and DON'T use an exclamation mark together with a question mark - this isn't a comic.<BR/><BR/>All this makes it sound as if this is no good. Quite the reverse - it's a good story which fits the question well. Just keep control of your writing - don't let yourself become so involved in the situation that you forget to be careful with every word and every punctuation mark.<BR/><BR/>I hope you have the chance to do something like this in the exam. Break a leg! (do well, in other words - and enjoy yourself despite the need for care and awareness)<BR/><BR/>Sorry not to see this earlier - I've been at a meeting in Oban all day.Christine McIntoshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14198224025775398453noreply@blogger.com