I've made a few changes and added a bit. I am unsure of what to do with the second sentence. My dad said that before it was a triple negative or something and I have no idea how to fix it.
That day dad had taken us to school-me and my sister. This wasn't such a rare occurrence, occasionally when my mother was at a meeting or seminar. We always hated those days purely as it meant less time in bed-now it seems so petty to have complained about a measly loss of 15 more minutes. My mother had left early to go to Oban or somewhere, I don’t really remember where she was going that day or what for. All I know is that she was travelling in that direction, along the Rest and be Thankful, when it happened. That road was well-known for being treacherously twisty, with no run-off on either side...
It was an odd day, one of those in between sort of days. It was freezing and frosty but the sun was shining, the ice shimmering. At the ring of the school bell signalling the end of lunch, my friends and I began to hurry towards the school, glad for an excuse to get back indoors. I remember seeing my dad standing at the front of the school. We greeted him and he replied. But he seemed elsewhere. Distant.
It’s hard to recall him telling me, but I do remember great confusion. Mum had crashed. The car. Rolled three times. Ended in a ditch. But she was ok. She was fine. Shaken, but not hurt. It was “a miracle”; she’d walked out herself, with barely a scratch and a rip in her tights. I didn’t know what to say, oblivious to the sheer scale of this event. I had no idea what I was expected to say. My dad walked away as I followed the rest of the latecomers up to class.
Despite the shocking news, at the time my main worry was of what my teacher would say when I walked in late. I now realise how insignificant that was when my main concern should have been my mother. I guess that at such an inexperienced age hearing that she wasn't physically hurt put my mind at ease. But what about the emotional hurt? What if she had suffered from nightmares? What if she couldn't face the wheel again? Such thoughts had never entered my mind at the time.
SS
PS-Sorry I have neglected blogging for a while. I've had so much homework and since this essay isn't to be handed in until the 21st, I've been focusing on my homework that is to be handed in before then. I plan to finish writing my essay over the weekend posting it along the way if that's ok?
1 comment:
Your dad is very ... scientific! But the sentence is clearer now, so that's fine.
I'd settle happily for the first section now, so I'll concentrate on the wee new bit, where you begin to address your reflections. for a start, i'd say 'about' instead of 'of what my teacher would say'.
Do you think 'inexperienced' is the best word here? why not simply 'at that age' - you could always add '-I was 14 (or whatever) at the time -' in parenthesis. But then you make quite a big leap to the kind of things she might feel, and this is at once too sophisticated and, I think, too trivial. For me the main thing would have been the effect on *my* life if my mother had been really hurt - because children tend to be incredibly self-centred. You touch on that aspect anyway. I don't think the psychological damage would enter your head at this stage.
And you could think about how this would affect your dad - and how you were going to relate to him and the way he must be feeling.
Don't try to cram too many concepts into one paragraph. Be a bit more leisurely in your unravelling of your thoughts, and then go back and tell a bit more narrative - when you met up with your mum again, what you said to your pals before that (if anything, and if not, why not?)
I realise you have other work - just use this when it's appropriate. I shall be in Thurso for a couple of nights next week (Thurs and Fri) so won't be around then.
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