Thursday, November 02, 2006

Personal/reflective essay

Today in class we had to start our essay, this is what I have so far.


That day dad had taken us to school-me and my sister. It wasn't such a rare occurrence, just on the odd occasion when my mum was at a meeting or seminar. We always hated those days purely as it meant less time in bed-it seems so petty to complain about a measly loss of 15 more minutes. My mum had left early to go to Oban or somewhere, I don’t really remember where she was going that day or what for. All I know is that she was travelling in that direction, along the rest and be thankful, when it happened.

It was an odd day, one of those in between sort of days. It was freezing and frosty but the sun was shining, the ice shimmering. At the ring of the school bell signalling the end of lunch, my friends and I began to hurry towards the school, glad for an excuse to get back indoors. I remember seeing my dad standing at the front of the school. We greeted him and he replied. But he seemed elsewhere. Distant.

It’s hard to recall him telling me, but I do remember great confusion. Mum had crashed. The car. Rolled three times. Ended in a ditch. But she was ok. She was fine. Shaken, but not hurt. It was “a miracle”; she’d walked out herself, with barely a scratch and a rip in her tights. I didn’t know what to say, oblivious to the sheer scale of this event. I had no idea what I was expected to say. My dad walked away as I followed the rest of the latecomers up to class.


SS

4 comments:

Chris said...

I think this is an excellent start - and goodness, your writing is maturing! To that end, I might think about whether you'd prefer to talk about "my mother" - maybe not, but the more childish name seems slightly out of place. and you need capitals at Rest and be Thankful. You might like to add a brief description of the way roads round here are - the Loch Eck road, for example, is particularly treacherous and you could describe why (the loch, the rocks, the ditches, the narrow bridge, the adverse camber)

In the first para: I think "this" would be better than "it" in the second sentence, and the "just on the ..." feels slightly odd. And you might think about adding "now" to "it seems so petty to have complained" (adding "have" to original) Do you see why I suggest these things?

What do you intend to do now? You may want to look at later in the day, when you meet up again. You could take a dispassionate look at your parents - stand back and observe. You could do the same for your own reactions to all this. you could consider how we cope with things happening to our parents - and perhaps even look forward to the time when more things will happen, and how the adult you will feel about this, based on this experience. there's loads of stuff here. Go for it - I look forward to seeing where you go!

An Honest Man said...

I liked this - a good beginning.

As another thought, possibly you could develop the last sentence to indicate your emotions as you 'followed the rest'?

Keep up the good work.

An Honest Man said...

I also meant to add that you should take up the challenge of other types of writing - your writing has matured, so might your expertise.

If you've time, try your hand again - you never know...

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