Monday, April 24, 2006

descriptive paragraph

I have decided to leave my story for now and attempt the descriptive element of writing.

Standing on the shore, he gazed into the vast open air. Stretching into the horizon lay a clear blue lake, so motionless, it resembled a huge sheet of glass, mirroring the sky’s every movement. The tiny golden grains tickled his bare feet as he stood taking in the view. Nothing could be heard except the joyous singing of the occasional bird or the gentle lapping of the water


L.P

2 comments:

Chris said...

OK. This is an effective descripition - though strictly speaking it IS part of a story rather than pure descriptive writing. Why? because you have a character in it, and that character is not the writer. You might like to try putting the same scene inot the kind of descriptive writing you find in travel writing.

Punctuation: take out the comma after "motionless". The word "motionless" is closely tied to "resembled" - don't try to separate them with a comma.

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