Monday, April 24, 2006

Rejig Of Opening Paragraph

Thanks for your help. Yes, I feel like I am finally beginning to understand the pluperfect tense.

Groaning, I had woken up reluctantly to my wailing alarm clock. The sickening tune it emitted seemed somehow worse than a simple beeping. As the sun peered through my window, I had suddenly realised what day it was. I remember pulling the covers over my head as if to shield out the day's events, to prevent them from happening. But I had to face the music at some point.

SS

4 comments:

Chris said...

Yes. Much, much better. Do you see why? It's crisper, and has a better pace all the way through, with good variation of structure.

What happened to the original? it's better all round not to remove posts, unless they're offensive!

the teens said...

I didn't remove it, I don't know what happened!

Chris said...

Hmmm. Blogger ate one of my posts last week. Very odd.

the teens said...

Spoke to Laura today, turns out she accidentally deleted it!