Monday, April 03, 2006

The Story so far with a few changes

Sorry, but I don't understand what is meant by the pluperfect tense.

Myrtle didn't know where she was running to, or when she would stop, but she knew why. The pouring rain clouded her vision through her newly broken glasses. Her nose tickled; there was a pungent smell of the outdoors in the air. Laughter echoed all around her, taunting her, closing in on her.

She soon became breathless, wheezing, trapped. Her surroundings seemed to be spiralling out of control. Suddenly, Myrtle's legs buckled. She could no longer stand, she felt unable to do anything. Nothing was worth this. Surely nothing was worth all this effort and pain. But why? Why did she deserve to be treated this way? Her head throbbed and her throat prickled as tears warmed the rain on her cheeks.

Ever since Myrtle could remember, life had been this way: full of never ending bitterness and grief, taunting comments and lurking laughter around every corner. There had been the occassional bust-up before, but never anything like this. This time things had really gone too far. Myrtle felt overcome with desperation, she desperately needed help. But was there anyone she could turn to? Would anyone listen? No one could possibly understand how she felt and surely whoever she turned to would be shocked at what was revealed. Myrtle shivered in the blowing breeze, her jacket must be lying somewhere in the school, abandoned, forgotten. Just like her.

No matter how hard she tried, Myrtle couldn't erase that vivid night from her mind. Foolishly, she had felt that now he had finally got what he wanted, she could just forget that it had ever happened. But that was impossible now that she had a constant reminder growing inside her...

"Slag!"

Myrtle kept remembering that beast of a girl screaming at her. What felt like years ago, she had burst into the vulnerable toilet cubicle to find Myrtle cowering over a positive pregnancy test. Obviously she'd presumed that Myrtle had just been foolish - that what had happened had been her own fault. If only that was the case...

SS

5 comments:

Chris said...

You're doing really well. Keep going!
A quick word about tenses - which so far you have no trouble with, and i don't want to confuse. However, it does you no harm to know the terminology. The past perfect tense is when you say "she did" or "she has done"
The pluperfect tense is one step further into the past - "She had done". sometimes it's useful when filling in the background to a story. In this case, you might want to use it to tell *how* she came to be pregnant. If you do, remember to keep it up till you come back to the "present day" - which is the time you've been writing about till now.
Now: take some time to think about that. It's all common sense - I've just given you a name for it. OK?
So now you're ready to go on to the next bit - the story of what has happened. I wouldn't fuss what you've written any further.

duffy said...

What Mrs B said... ;-)

Chris said...

Come on, you two - do you think you're on holiday or something? ;-p

duffy said...

where are you? Have you given up? I hope not...

Chris said...

Just for the record: It is now Saturday evening - 23.25, according to my computer. More than 24 hours since we agreed that writers write - and that you two would write something EVERY DAY.