I'm trying to write something descripitive for a personal experience now.
Trembling, I had opened the door to face the scorching sun leering through the glass sliding door onto the clinical white steps. I glanced up the spiralling stairs into the gloom that lay ahead. The hallway was covered in paintings that - unless some kind of abstract art - were the pride and joy of a young class of wannabe Piccassos. As I had climbed up the staircase, the view of the regimented car park suddenly seemed very appealing indeed...
SS
2 comments:
In this case, i don't think the pluperfect in the opening sentence adds anything; I'd just say "I opened". I'm not quite sure of the geography - are the white steps the same as the spiralling stairs?
The parenthesis in the sentence about the paintings is amusing, but to my (very limited) knowledge suggest kinds of art that wouldn't be very different. Maybe "unless priceless primitives" - and "Picasso" - one "c".
Your'e muddling the tense again - dropping into the pluperfect after being in teh simple past perfect. but I'd be interested to know why you wanted to be back in the carpark - you going for surgery or something?
Welcome back!
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