Rejig of 2nd paragraph and 3rd paragraph

"She soon became breathless, wheezing, trapped. Her surroundings began to spiral out of control. Suddenly, Myrtle's legs buckled. She could no longer stand, she felt unable to do anything. Nothing was worth this. Surely nothing was worth all this effort and pain. But why? Why did she deserve to be treated this way? Her head throbbed and her throat prickled as tears warmed the rain on her cheeks.
Ever since Myrtle could remember, life had been this way; full of never ending bitterness and grief, taunting comments and lurking laughter around every corner. There had been the occassional bust-up before, but never anything like this. This time things had really gone too far. Myrtle felt overcome with desperation, she desperately needed help. But who could she turn to? Would anyone listen? No one could possibly understand how she felt and surely whoever she turned to would be shocked at what was revealed. Myrtle shivered in the blowing breeze, her jacket must be lying somewhere in the school, abandoned, forgotten. Just like her..."

SS

3rd paragraph

I do not fully understand what is meant by your comments so I will reattempt paragraph two after tomorrow night, where hopefully you will be able to help me further.

Paragraph 3

It suddenly sank in that this was the moment she had been waiting for. All her life she had wondered what this encounter would be like but now that it was here, feelings of doubt and slight regret rushed through her body. Slowly, hands quivering, she opened the door. Through the clouds of tears building up in her eyes, she was able to make her out. Staring at this stranger harder than she had ever looked at anything, Leia hurriedly searched for features they both shared, features that might be shared by a mother and daughter.

L.P.

Rejig of 2nd paragraph

She got up from her seat and paced her bedroom floor. Feeling sick with the anticipation that was fluttering inside her stomach, she wondered, why hasn’t she arrived yet? What if she doesn’t want to meet me anymore? She walked downstairs, trembling, to see if there had been any messages left on the answer phone. With great disappointment she put the phone back in its place. Suddenly, to the sound of tyres scrunching the stones in her driveway, her stomach lurched. She ran to the door and as she grasped the handle, she froze.
L.P.

Rejig of first paragraph and second paragraph.

Thanks for all your comments! Yes I was at lochgilphead duffy, the band got first place and I got two seconds and a first! Was such a fabulous day!

"Myrtle didn't know where she was running to, or when she would stop, but she knew why. The pouring rain clouded her vision through her newly broken glasses. Her nose tickled; there was a pungent smell of the outdoors in the air. Laughter echoed all around her, taunting her, closing in on her.
She soon became breathless, wheezing, trapped. Her surroundings began to spiral out of control. Suddenly, Myrtle's legs buckled, she could no longer stand, she felt unable to do anything. Nothing was worth this. Surely nothing was worth all this effort and pain. But why? Why did she deserve to be treated this way? Her head throbbed and her throat prickled as warm salty tears streamed rapidly down her face."

SS

2nd paragraph

She got up from her seat and paced her bedroom floor. Feeling sick with the anticipation that was fluttering inside her stomach, she wondered to herself, “Why hasn’t she arrived yet?”, “What if she doesn’t want to meet me anymore?” She walked downstairs, trembling, to see if there had been any messages left on the answer phone. With great disappointment she put the phone back in its place. Suddenly, to the sound of tyres scrunching the stones in her driveway, her stomach lurched. Leia ran to the door and as she grasped the handle, she froze.

L.P.

1st Paragraph

Hello!

Sorry for the late arrival, but I have had an extremely busy and musical weekend!

"Myrtle's heart was pounding. The pouring rain clouded her vision through her newly broken glasses. Her nose tickled; there was a pungent smell of the outdoors in the air. Laughter echoed all around her, taunting her, closing in on her. She didn't know where she was running to, or when she would stop, but she knew why..."

Hope that's ok as I usually tend to write personal experiences.

S.S.

Rejig of 1st paragraph

Leia looked impatiently out of the window; a curtain of hair masking the anxiety that was expressed upon her pale face. The light reflected off the glasses perched on her nose as she moved restlessly in her seat. The room was silent except for the ticking of her watch. She waited and as time slowly marched on, her patience left with it.

My first paragraph

Leia looked impatiently out of the window, a curtain of hair masked the anxiety that was expressed upon her pale face. The light reflected off the glasses that were perched on her nose, as she moved restlessly in her seat. The room was silent except for the ticking of her watch. She waited and as time slowly drove past, her patience left with it.

LP

Dear Absolute Bloginners...

Hello, fellow bloggers! Please don't be too hard with your comments as we're only just learning.....

We have a Standard grade English exam in May - fast approaching, in fact. We need help - if you have any constructive comments to make, we'd be happy to hear from you. Otherwise, blog off!

There are two of us doing this, and we're going to try to post something every day.

Watch this space!