Thursday, March 30, 2006

3rd paragraph

I do not fully understand what is meant by your comments so I will reattempt paragraph two after tomorrow night, where hopefully you will be able to help me further.

Paragraph 3

It suddenly sank in that this was the moment she had been waiting for. All her life she had wondered what this encounter would be like but now that it was here, feelings of doubt and slight regret rushed through her body. Slowly, hands quivering, she opened the door. Through the clouds of tears building up in her eyes, she was able to make her out. Staring at this stranger harder than she had ever looked at anything, Leia hurriedly searched for features they both shared, features that might be shared by a mother and daughter.



Chris said...

I think the plethora of comment was perhaps confusing, especially on the matter of how to deal with the flow of thought. We'll sort it together.

However, you've done really well with this paragraph. We still don't know which of the two Leia is - mother or daughter - but that's fine. Next para will presumably tell us that.

I'd be tempted to take out the "hands quivering" - the "slowly" on its own tells the story. The repetition of the word "features" is excellent.

What are they going to say to one another? Who will speak first? Is Leia the daughter?

Di said...

Hey - you get better and better! This paragraph is excellent and I wouldn't change a thing.

I think the reason this paragraph is so powerful is because you - the writer - have *become* your character. You're right there inside her, feeling what she feels. Well done.

duffy said...

Superb! And good on you for coming out and saying you don't understand somehting - that's what it's all about!

In terms of the para - I have nothing to say, I'm just waiting for more.

Ps - you can reply to comments if you like. This could help if you are not understanding something.

duffy said...

That should say *something*

PS - I have said this to SS as well - could you please put all your paragraphs together in the next post, just so that it is easier to read what you have written so far without jumping between posts. You don't have to do this every time but it would be quite nice to get an idea of the flow or your piece.

And again - well done!

Chris said...

What's happening now? We'll all lose interest - yourself included - if you don't go on with this! A pity to give up just as your blog is becoming famous!